Friday, December 30, 2016

Marriage is Hard

Y'all, can I just be honest about something? Marriage is HARD. It takes work, commitment, love, forgiveness, & communication. It takes continually yielding to the Lord and asking for His help and wisdom. We need His strength to love like we should, we need His grace to extend kindness and selflessness to each other. I, for one, cannot do it in my own strength, sometimes a simple "I'm sorry" feels like trying to swallow a brick.

We may look completely carefree, happy and totally in love, and we are, at our best. But we are also so broken. We are working through some tough things. We are learning how to change and grow as life brings ups and downs and crazy curves. We are selfish at times and we hurt each other. We are lazy sometimes and don't want to put in the work for intimacy. We get lost and forget from whom comes our help.

We have had A LOT of changes and challenges over the past few years - three kids, three big moves, new jobs, heartache, struggles with anxiety and depression, questions and rough patches in our relationship with the Lord. (A lot of amazing too - but I think I usually do a good job of highlighting all the good -- SO much to be thankful for 😊)

I don't even know why I'm saying all this, but I felt like maybe I should. I don't want to present picture perfect when that's not reality. It is part of our reality, and for that I am very thankful. At our best we are madly in love and absolute best friends.

On this trip we had some best moments and some pretty poor moments. We bickered, we snapped or shut down, we hurt each other. We had to talk it out even when we didn't feel like it. And in all honesty, I'm still lost sometimes - I don't know how to do all of this right -- that's why we need help, guidance, community and prayer (I need to be doing a lot more of this). Right? Someone remind me of this tomorrow when I forget.

I am SO thankful for time away with my love, the love of my life, that's what he is and always will be, even if sometimes it doesn't feel like it. I choose him every day and I hope and pray he continues to choose me every day. But I think it's so important that we both first choose Jesus each day. That makes choosing each other so much easier.

We had a great time on this trip. It was so good for us to get away. To be carefree and have fun. We had so much fun. To go on adventures and make memories together. Ah, we will remember this trip forever (I took a million pictures to be sure of that 😉). And, it was good to have some fights - to see that some of our issues are real issues without being able to blame them on something or someone else.

All this to say, we are in the thick of it, probably right beside you. We have what I consider to be a pretty great marriage and it is still hard. We still mess up and argue more than I would like. I hope this is honest in the right ways and that it provides some encouragement. Keep at it, seek Jesus, ask for help, pray, have community, and take time for your marriage - preaching to myself here...