Apparently, the above combination is a recipe for a crying fest, at least for this pregnant momma :)
I was enjoying some me time after putting Elijah down for a nap. Catching up on some blogs and uploading and editing some photos. Enjoying one of my favorite snacks - apples and Nutella, as well as the rest of my coffee from this morning - I am surprised I didn't finish it, but I was SUPER happy to have half a cup of caffeinated coffee for a little pick me up this afternoon. Then one of my dear friends sent me a sweet text - just a "I miss you and I am thinking of you" kind of message, and all of a sudden I burst in to tears. It was just a little at first, but then it kept coming. I was sad, but it was a good cleansing cry at the same time. I don't know that I enjoyed the cry exactly, but it felt good and right and I felt better afterwards.
I was crying about so many things. Crying because I am so utterly and completely amazed at my God and His faithfulness. Crying because I am sad and a little lonely, missing some of my amazing friends and family. Crying because I am pregnant and emotional. Crying because I am scared of some of the things I will be facing in the near future (new baby, Ethan's first deployment shortly after the arrival of new baby, making new friends again, potty training Elijah). Crying because I am so thankful for this rich life I have been given. Crying because of the evil and pain in this world. Crying because I know I am SO loved, and because I know so many people do not know they are loved.
It never is just one thing with us women. Right? It's always a bit scary to start crying because it may open the flood gates and release a rushing river of tears and emotion. I may feel a bit out of control and possibly embarrassed in these moments, but, at the same time, I am SO thankful that God has created me to experience such deep and rich emotions.
I am becoming more and more convinced that He uses our intense feelings and deep emotions for His purposes. Of course, we have to seek Him and stand on His Word. Not allowing our emotions and feelings alone to take control, because if we operate simply based on how we feel the results can often be detrimental. However, sometimes these intense feelings and emotions are what make us fierce and strong mommas and lovers, they are what lead some of us to take action for a cause greater than ourselves, they are what cause us to hit our knees in prayer night after night or morning after morning, they are what often make life so utterly full and gloriously rich.
So I am learning to embrace my emotions (sometimes emotional outbursts) and feelings and enjoy the fact that I am created with the capacity to feel so deeply. Then take the ones that line up with the Word of God and His plan for my life and allow Him to use them for His purposes. To make me a fierce, passionate & strong mother, wife & friend. To discover and fight for a cause greater than myself. To become a faithful prayer warrior. To enjoy and experience life to the fullest.
I hope this is encouraging or at least entertaining for some of you. If nothing else, I am pretty sure I have done a good job of exposing myself today, so take comfort in the fact that you know me a little more intimately now...haha!